Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
