She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
