How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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