I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
