Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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