Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
