I wish I could teleport
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drunk is not a location!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
