Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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