11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
