I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
