last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk is not a location!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
