ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
