Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
