she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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