I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
