Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
