Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
