Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
