There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
