Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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