your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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