Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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