Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
