Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
