I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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