I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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