Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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