Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
