When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
