He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
