Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
