similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
