honey bunches of taint.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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