I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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