The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
