I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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