Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
