discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
