how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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