Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
