Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
