What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
