There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize