If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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