bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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