I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
