Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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