Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
