I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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