I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
