I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Randomize
