But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
