I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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