In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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