If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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