It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
