Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
