I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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