I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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