he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
this is an emotional support booty call
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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