I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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