i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
