I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
