your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
