After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
