So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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