you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
