Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
