I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
