I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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