Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
