tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
