On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
