I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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