I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize