If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
