Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
