i will never coherently bang her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
