Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
