Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
