im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
