Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
